Torn About Leaving? How to Know If Your Marriage Can Be Saved -Or If It's Time to Move On
By Jim Mckenzie, The Relationship Coach
Should You Stay or Should You Go?
You don’t just wake up one morning wondering if your marriage can survive.
It starts quietly….,
It’s the heavy silence at dinner.
It’s the feeling you’re talking, but no one’s really listening.
It’s lying next to someone at night... and feeling more alone than you ever did when you were single.
And over time, the question creeps in:
hould I stay and fight for this... or is it time to let go?
If you're in that space, first, let me tell you — you're not weak.
You're not selfish.
You're not crazy for asking hard questions.
It just means something inside you knows:
This isn’t working the way it should.
And you're ready for real clarity.
Today, I want to walk you through 5 powerful mindset shifts that will help you move from stuck to strong -whether you stay and rebuild or lovingly move on.
1. Most People Stay Stuck. But You Don’t Have To.
The first and hardest truth:
Most people stay trapped in unhappy marriages because they're too scared to make a choice.
They stay "for the kids."
They stay "until things calm down."
They stay because it’s easier to endure familiar pain than risk the unknown.
But here’s the thing:
The pain of staying stuck eventually becomes greater than the fear of moving.
And if you’re here, reading this?
You’re already different.
You're willing to confront the discomfort most people run from.
Shift #1:
Commit to making a real decision—one way or the other.
No more "waiting to see if things magically get better."
Deciding to decide is the first courageous move.
2. You Need New Information—Not Old Worries
If you’re feeling confused, it’s because you’re stuck replaying the same fears over and over:
"What if I regret it?"
"What if I hurt the kids?"
"What if I’m just expecting too much?"
Sound familiar?
Here’s the problem:
You can't make a clear decision using the same old fears that got you stuck in the first place.
You need new data.
New experiences.
New behaviors to measure your marriage by.
Shift #2:
Instead of obsessing about “Should I stay?” ask yourself: “Am I showing up differently, and how is my partner responding?”
Try new ways of communicating.
Set new boundaries.
Notice if new patterns emerge—or if the old ones just dig deeper.
You can’t know if something can change until YOU change how you engage.
Gather fresh evidence before you make a final call.
3. Master Your Fear—Or It Will Master You
Here’s the dirty little secret about marriage crises:
Fear disguises itself as logic.
You’ll tell yourself:
"I'm staying for the kids" (even though the home is filled with tension)
"I can’t leave; I’ll be alone forever" (even though you already feel alone now)
"I’m just too old to start over" (as if joy has an expiration date!)
Fear doesn’t sound like fear. It sounds like responsibility.
And it’ll keep you miserable if you let it.
Shift #3:
Start challenging every fear-based thought you have.
Ask yourself:
Is this true?
Is this fear talking—or wisdom?
What would I do if I weren’t afraid?
Bold moves don’t come from the absence of fear.
They come from refusing to let fear run the show.
4. Own Your Part (Even If It’s Just 20%)
It’s easy to point fingers.
“He’s cold.”
“She’s critical.”
“They changed.”
Maybe that’s true.
But 100% blame = 0% power.
If you want to feel strong—whether you stay or go—you have to own your part of the story.
Maybe you stopped speaking your needs clearly.
Maybe you shut down when things got hard.
Maybe you avoided the hard conversations too long.
Shift #4:
Take ownership without self-blame.
Ownership isn’t about guilt.
t’s about grabbing the keys to your own future instead of waiting for someone else to change.
Even if your part is only 20%, claim it. Because healing begins with ownership—not blame.
5. Don’t DIY Your Marriage Decision
You wouldn't treat a broken leg with duct tape.
You wouldn’t manage your life savings with "good vibes."
So why treat one of the biggest decisions of your life—stay or leave—with guesswork?
You need skilled, outside guidance.
Not your well-meaning friends.
Not random TikTok advice.
Not "waiting for a sign from the universe." (Spoiler: this is your sign.)
Shift #5:
Invest in real coaching to guide you through this process.
A skilled coach (like me, shameless plug!) will help you:
Challenge your blind spots
Shift stuck patterns
Create a real plan based on who you want to be—not just what you fear
Don't white-knuckle this journey…get the tools you deserve.
The Bottom Line:
This Isn’t About Staying or Leaving. It’s About Becoming Strong Enough to Choose.
Once you make these five shifts:
You won't be paralyzed anymore.
You won’t second-guess your gut.
You’ll move forward—stronger, wiser, and more alive.
Whether you stay and rebuild...
Or move on with peace...
You’ll be doing it from a place of courage, not confusion.
Your Next Step: Ready for Real Clarity?
I've created a FREE 6-Day Marriage Reset Plan designed to help you:
Rebuild emotional safety fast
Avoid the 5 biggest mistakes couples make during crisis
Reconnect with your own inner wisdom about your marriage
Download your copy here and start today.
Stop spinning your wheels.
Start rebuilding - or start releasing -with real clarity and courage.
You’ve got this…
And I’ve got your back.
—Jim McKenzie
Relationships Rebuilt